Sunday, April 29, 2012

Random thoughts..

It has definitely felt weird this weekend, Not to be traveling from DC to Gettysburg and cheering on the bicycle riders as we've done for the past 5 years ..fortunately(?) I've had a bit of a stomach virus this weekend, so I suppose I wouldn't have made it anyway,but still..feels weird.

A co-worker's Marine son is deploying soon, and as we gear up here at Casa McClenney to support him, it's certainly brought up a lot of memories for me of when our Army MP deployed

and also thoughts of  the things I Didn't blog about, while he was deployed.

Like when posting my 'pictoral history' above, I didn't mention that after we had hugged him and walked away, I burst into sobs once we were out of earshot/eyesight..and then couldn't walk back to the restroom to get tissues, because the restroom was right by the line he was in and there was No Way I was going to let his last sight of me before he left, be my bawling my eyes out.  That was just something I'd decided for myself, other mother's sending off their children to war Have cried in front of them..I just wanted the last thing before he got on the plane for him to feel was the Love, and the hugs..he already knew we were worried about him, how could we not be?and I didn't want him to worry that we were worried, if you follow all that. (sheesh, I'm about as incoherent as I was in 2007:)

(which led my husband to think I'd lost my mind at the time,lol, because he kept saying 'go get some tissues' and I kept blubbering 'I Can't!' but was unable to blubber out the reason why)

And I didn't blog throughout the deployment about the' elephant in the room', that fear that is always just at the back of your mind.The stuff you don't talk about, because to voice it opens up the reality that it's a possibility.

I didn't even realize how great that fear Was at the time, until the day I had just wakened up from working night shift and walked downstairs, and the doorbell rang.
No one ever rings our doorbell, and for just a moment I was completely Petrified with fear, and glued to the floor, shaking from head to toe and terrified of answering the door.

It turned out to be a group handing out religious tracts, and I have no memory of speaking to them (but they've never come back since!) but the good thing about that episode was that I mentioned it to my husband when he got home, and it actually led to a discussion about what we'd been avoiding discussing. I didn't realize until that day that my husband and I were both also sharing a second fear..that if, God forbid,the knock on the door came? both of us worried for the other that we would be home alone. 
We were also greatly, greatly blessed during his deployment, to have the support of so many family and friends and fellow Soldiers Angels members and just random online friends.
As I said when Dustin came home , we are forever grateful, and we can never say Thank You enough!

One of the ways we Can continue to say 'thank you', though, is to pay it forward.And hopefully we can pass along the blessing of support and prayers and caring that we were so blessed with ourselves.

well, I said to start out with that this post was 'random', it certainly seems to have been ! but that's just some of the things that have come up this week.
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